


Are we worth fighting for?

by crazycatt71



Series: WinterHawk Bingo 2019 [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint tells it like it is, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WinterHawk Bingo, violent flashback, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 06:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20003671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazycatt71/pseuds/crazycatt71
Summary: After Bucky has a violent flashback Clint tells him some hard truths





	Are we worth fighting for?

**Author's Note:**

> For WinterHawk Bingo  
> Square O5- Harsh truth

Bucky scrambled around the room, gathering up his stuff and shoving it into a duffle bag. He needed to hurry, he wanted to be out of the apartment before Clint got home. He knew after what had happen Steve would have called him. He did a quick run of the list in his head to make sure he had everything, then zipped the bag and headed for the front door. Just as he reached for the doorknob an arrow thunked into the wood right above it.

“Going somewhere?” a voice asked from behind him.

He slowly turned around to see Clint perched on the open window sill, bow drawn with an arrow aimed right at him. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before Clint lowered his bow.

“Damn it, Buck,” he snarled, “were you really gonn’a just leave without a word?”

“Steve called you. He told you what happened.” Bucky told him.

“He said you had a bad flashback at some dinner you two were at.” Clint said.

“I almost choked a guy to death.” Bucky told him. “If Steve hadn’t been there, I would have.”

He could still feel the moment reality had slipped away and he felt like he was in danger, that he had to defend himself. He could feel his metal hand squeezing the life out of the poor guy who had gotten too close to him, could hear the people in the dinner screaming.

“It didn’t go so well,” Clint said,” so you try again, you don’t run away.”

“Clint, it’s been over a year since I came in and I still can’t go down to the corner store for a pack of smokes without panicking.” Bucky said. “I can’t sleep because of the nightmares. “I wanted to try going out, be around people. I just want to be normal, do normal things.”

He hung his head, letting his hair cover his face.

“I’ll never be normal. They made me a killer, a monster and that’s all I’ll ever be.” He whispered; his voice laced with pain. I just want to go away somewhere where I won’t hurt anybody else.”

Clint was trembling with rage; at Hydra for destroying a good man, at society for putting unrealistic expectations on people to be “normal, and at Bucky for wanting to take a coward’s way out and run away.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” He snapped.

Bucky’s head came up, a shocked look on his face.

Clint set his bow down and stalked toward Bucky, stopping a few feet from him.

“We’re both killers.” He stated. “I killed to survive, I killed for money. I was an assassin for S.H.I.E.L.D. for over twenty years, I have a kill count in the thousands, and I have killed against my will when Loki had control of me.” His voice full of barely controlled fury. “You killed as a solider during war time then completely against your will.”

He paused to take a couple of deep breaths and get the shaking under some sort of control.

“Through it all; every horrible thing that they did to you, that they made you do, you managed to hold on to a piece of James Barnes. No matter how many times they wiped your mind, a microscopic piece of that man remained. It allowed you to recognize Steve. It helped you break their control. It let you take a chance on me, on us.” Clint told him.

“I’m too broken to ever be fixed.” Bucky told him.

“Only if you stop trying.” Clint said. “You’re having a hard time acclimatizing to the world, I get it. You’re having a really bad time with the flashbacks and the emotions they cause. It’s called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it doesn’t make you a monster, it makes you human.”

Clint ran his hands through his hair, tugging on it in frustration.

“Everybody has shit they’re trying to cope with. Steve, me, Tosh, so you don’t get to use yours as an excuse to throw us away.” He said, said his voice flat as he stared at Bucky with his Hawkeye glare.

They stood there for what felt like an eternity before Clint shrugged and started for the door. He stopped just before he opened it and looked at Bucky again.

“I love you. I know you love me. Now you have to decide if that’s worth staying and fighting for.” He said softly. Then opened the door and walked out.

Two hours later his phone buzzed with a text alert.

 _Where are you?_ He read.

 _Roof_ h _e_ texted back.

A few minutes later the door to the roof opened and Bucky walked out, stopping just past it. Clint watched him from the old lounge chair he was sprawled on. He took a drink from the beer he was drinking; the third from the six pack he had brought up with him and waited.

“I want it, us, together.” Bucky finally said.

“Me too.” Clint said as he held his arms out.

Bucky flew across the roof and threw himself into Clint’s arms.

“I’m scared.” Bucky whispered against his chest.

“Me too,” Clint told him, “but we’ll get through it.”

“How?” Bucky demanded, his voice trembling.

“By taking it one breath at a time.” Clint replied, stroking his cheek. “By talking and fighting and fucking and leaning on each other and our friends.”

Bucky gave him a weak smile.

“And if that doesn’t work, we move to Outer Mongolia and live in a yurt.” Clint added.

Bucky chuckled at that and Clint counted it as a win.

“I love you.” Bucky told him. “Thanks for not giving up on me.”

“Love you too.”

They wrapped their arms around each other and just held on tight.


End file.
